Before we get started let's take a look at some staggering statistics.
First off... 80% of the population of the U.S. say they want to pen a novel and have it published during some point of their life. That's a lot of competition... that's also a whole bunch of people who think they can actually write well enough someone would agree to publish them. Agents and publishers say that around 95% of the manuscripts they receive are so poorly written they would never consider accepting them just based on the author's writing ability. (These are all stats I have found online, whether they are accurate or not, I don't attest. On some websites you might find me claiming to be a Swedish Bikini model as well).
So let's say you decide that you can writes good 'nuff. Only about 1% get published. 1% of a whole bunch of people. Be ready to grow some thick skin. Rejection letters can be anything from downright harsh to the typical uncaring form letter. Either way , they suck.
Now, let's say you actually are lucky enough to find someone to publish your gem. In 2004, 950,000 titles out of the 1.2 million tracked by Nielsen Bookscan sold fewer than 99 copies. I don't know if you've been following the news since 2004, but the economy blows even worse now. Deciding to write a book doesn't mean you will have a life like Hank Moody and party your days away while you occasionally pen your thoughts. It means more than likely you better have a real job.
You will find that almost all of the marketing regarding your book you, yourself, will be responsible for doing. You will see that as badly as you wanted a printed book to put up on your shelf and gaze upon, that you'll be lucky to make only some pocket change from - that print books have little to no revenue. You'll find that for the amount of time you devote to this endeavor, you will see very little to no financial reward. And trust me, it is an endeavor. You will eat, breath and sleep your book for months while you edit and publicize it.
So when people tell me, "someday I think I'll quit my job and become a writer," I tell them, "you better have a trust fund somewhere." It's an ugly truth, but it is true. Writing isn't something you just decide to do and get rich. Well, at least not most people. It is something you have to enjoy. Something you want to do. Something you have to love.
So let me ask you now, "Do you still want me to tell you how to go about getting published?"